Back to myself

I am frustrated with myself. I cannot concentrate. I move 10 steps forward and 5 steps backward and finally after walking for 15 steps I find myself moved by just 5 steps ahead or may be less than that sometimes. It makes me less productive and uniteresting. I create problems for myself and people around me. When this situation becomes pathetic it puts me at the bottom of a dark valley where I can just feel things but cannot see them. That blind feeling is worse than the less productive situation. Why do I let this happen to me....is there something pulling me towards the extremes of everything? I don't know, I am just quiet. As if none of my body parts have remained mine, as if I have been broken into pieces and I can see them myself.

This is true but uncontrollable at that point of time. Sometimes even I like to be broken into pieces so that I can reconstruct myself like the sand man. Come up with an inspiration. Use the same feelings which laid me down, to bring me up and above those pieces of myself.